Hanging Out vs. Dating vs. Marriage

This week's blog is gonna be a good one, especially for my single friends! If you're anything like me, the dating world seems overwhelming, confusing, tiring, and intimidating. There has been a big culture shift in the meaning of what dating is and how it looks in our society. A new term has surfaced that has replaced dating in some ways. The younger generation like to call it "hanging out". Heard of it? Let's dive into these topics and explore different ways dating is approached, and which ways are proven to create and maintain celestial, happy marriages. 

Let's start with the definition of hanging out and dating. Hanging out is described as a number of young single adults joining together in a group activity. Dating, on the other hand, is pairing off to experience one-on-one association and commitment. See the difference? Dating used to be a huge part of America's culture, and young people would go on casual, fun dates almost every weekend. It was a way to get to know lots of different people, an engagement called assortive dating. However, this view and practice of dating has seemed to fade significantly. Singles nowadays consider the word "dating" as a serious commitment to someone. But I think it's time to alter that definition. Think of it this way: If you don't go on lots of dates with lots of different people, how are you going to discover what qualities and aspects you like and dislike in a future partner? Dating should be a pleasurable experience where you accumulate lots of friends and progress in your journey to find your spouse.

Here's some tips for dating. When initially starting to date, don't size someone up before you get to know them. Don't treat a date like an "audition" for marriage. That is unfair to you and your date. Instead, think of it as a social outing with a friend you're getting to know. That takes the pressure and expectations off. Second, stop creating checklists for someone to unknowingly have to fulfill. It's unhealthy to have a perfectionistic approach when searching for your partner, and doing so tends to skip around the important soul to soul connection. Third, don't allow pressure from others "watching" you in your life. The decisions you make about dating is between you, and eventually your partner. And finally, don't act out of fear. Fear adds urgency that inhibits us. Replace that fear with love, patience, and trust in the process. 

So, what comes after dating? Here's the step by step process that couples typically take throughout their relationship. First, dating occurs, which helps develop skills and perspectives. Then, courtship follows, which is a trial of a relationship. Then the engagement process occurs. And of course, marriage comes last. Throughout all these steps, it's important to be intentional and check in with your partner. Communication and effort will propel you forward in a relationship. 

One last thing I want to discuss that affects dating is the relationship attachment model. There are 5 aspects of this model: knowing, trusting, relying, committing, and touching. These aspects in a relationship should increase at the same time. For example, you shouldn't trust someone more that you know them. You will trust them more AS you get to know them. Be wary and smart in who you give yourself to in different ways. 

Now my friends, go forward with hope and new skills to rock the dating world! Most importantly, be yourself, because that part of you is worth being loved. (: