Family Stressors - Staying Close in Crisis

Life is full of stressors. Sometimes we feel like we're barely floating above the water line, struggling to metaphorically or literally survive. Let me first assure you that you and your family are not alone. These stressful times bring crisis and more variables into the equation, which typically throughs us for a loop. The good news is this: these crises also come with opportunities. Identifying and intentionally applying techniques to create opportunities for growth are key actions to bounce back stronger than ever. Let's explore the examples, stories, research and research models on how to do so. 

A gentleman by the name of Koos was interested in the family structure and how it functions during crisis. He decided to study this phenomena during the end of World War I in American families. Although the end of the War brought much relief and celebrating, there were lots of stressors and readjustments during this time as well, as you can imagine. Here are some of the stressors that Koos found, and that we found as a class as we discussed this:  household and familial roles changed due to people (primarily men) being absent during the War. Resources such as food, housing, land, and education were harder to come by due to the economic crash after the War. So, what happened to these families who had these and many other crises happen? There were three recurring patterns. One, the family was hit hard, and never recovered to the capacity they were at before. Second, families would bounce back. but not all the way up to where they were before. And third, the family transcended where they were before. This third happenstance is where we will focus our attention for the rest of our time this week.

The three patterns listed above bring up the question: what is the difference between surviving, coping, and strengthening? The Chinese symbol for crisis expresses this in a meaningful way. The symbol has two meanings interwoven together: danger and opportunity. Isn't that interesting? Crisis is often only seen with a negative connotation, but how would we approach crisis different knowing now that it is a chance for an opportunity? Here are a few mindshift changes I learned and thought were useful about opportunity seeking amid crisis- 

1. Stress isn't always a bad thing. It helps us develop abilities and perspectives. For example, I had an incredibly stressful week a couple months ago, where I felt everything was piling down on me at once. I had exams, assignments, a church assignment, a final recital requiring lots of prep, and to top it all off, I got in a minor car accident. Don't worry, no one was hurt. It was, however, very mentally and emotionally difficult at the time. A few weeks after this, I was able to stand back and realize I did some really hard things, and that I CAN get through them. I also developed a perspective of patience and resilience. I realized there were so many people helping me along the way, the biggest supporter being my family. 

2. Crisis creates opportunities to heal, work together, and change in valuable ways. When you ask more experienced couples what their first part of marriage was like, some of them tend to look back with fondness. Even when they were struggling with marital adjustments (refer back to my blog on that :), they grew closer together and changed to become better partners and couples as a whole. 

3. Just because something awful happens, doesn't mean it has to be fatal. I hope based on the first two mindshift examples that this phrase can stand on its own. You have a choice, even in the hardest of times.

I sincerely believe in the opportunity crisis and hard times gives us. Family and support systems as well as healthy and helpful strategies to address conflict are so incredible! I hope your perspective has been influenced by the things I shared this week. Please feel free to comment on things you've learned, or any experiences you've had with crisis.