Marital Adjustments

 Welcome to week 6 of my official blogging! Before I begin, I want to make a shoutout to my fellow middle children! These past few blog posts have been very research and marriage & family heavy, with spotty references concerning the journey and experiences of middle children. I have since repented, and commit to incorporating my target audience in each of my blogs going forward. 

To begin, I want to ask questions to those that are middle children: what are you thoughts and feelings regarding marital adjustments (for those that aren't married)? And for those that are married, what are your thoughts/experiences on the sacrifices and transitions you made in your first year of marriage? And this last questions is for all my middle children: How, if at all, has you upbringing as a middle child affected those thoughts/beliefs? These are the questions I will be answering through the research I examined, and through my own anecdotal experiences. 

Firstly, I want to establish the very strong correlation there is between how a couple dates before marriage and how their relationships is after marriage. In the class I'm taking that outlines these lessons, my professor mentioned that you should date the way you want your marriage to look like. In a healthy relationship, a couple should ideally see each other in lots of different seasons, times, and environments. Doing so will not only benefit in getting to know each other more, but it will illuminate how individuals treat others and how they react in different situations. We live in a risk averse society, which tends to decrease the things we engage in as individuals and as couples. However, I believe in breaking out of your shell, and experiencing life to the fullest with your partner. Along with that, I hope to convey the importance of doing so in a safe, connecting way. I myself am fearful of taking risks because that means I will fail. Being the middle child, I felt that I couldn't take risks, and even when I occasionally did, those actions weren't noticed very often. Risk taking is the way in which we grow, especially as couples. 

To tie this back to marital transitioning and preparing for marriage, I want to discuss the opportunities that follow an engagement. One of the biggest events during this period is wedding planning. This is a time to practice decision making as a couple. I for one want my future fiancé to be included in the planning and preparation, and incorporate things that he wants. After all, it is both our wedding, and I will value his opinions and preferences. Similarly, compromising will come along with that decision-making, which is another great quality to start practicing. Why? Because in marriage, you compromise quite a bit. 

So, what about after the wedding? What tends to happen in the first year of marriage? If you choose not to cohabit before marriage, living together is a transition within itself. You see each other in your routines, habits, and preferences. Little idiosyncrasies pop up, and it's difficult to adjust to living with someone and accommodating for them, despite your love for each other. Learning to resolve conflict is another biggy. A A solid marriage largely depends on how the couple resolve conflict together, and how they treat each other and the situation through it. The last adjustment I'd like to mention is the boundaries between husband and wife, as well as boundaries made outside of the marriage to protect and strengthen it. Boundaries reflect what we need in order to feel safe, loved, and respected. They also reflect our beliefs and values. Like any relationship, boundaries need to be in place to create a mature, honest, open, and safe marriage. 

To end, I want to share some of my thoughts on marriage, coming from a middle child. I am quite nervous for it, and sometimes don't feel that I am ready enough to make commitments and spend the rest of my life with someone. Because I am majoring in Marriage & Family Studies, I get overwhelmed with all the aspects that affect relationships. I feel like I have to do everything all at once, and get to a certain point in my life before getting married. In some cases, that is true. You do indeed have to be willing to compromise and commit. However, marriage is a building process. You start where you are, and you continually grow together in your relationship and create a life together. It doesn't all have to happen now. It comes with time and effort. That brings me a lot of peace and hope for the future. Wherever you are in your marital status, know that you are capable of making adjustments and commitments. You are worthy of love and acceptance!