Marital Intimacy

Hello, hello, hello! Another week, another blog. This week has been a much chiller week as far as homework since we had midterms last week. Thank goodness that's over haha!

First off, I want to establish that this will not be a sex ed blog. I believe that type of education should be given first and foremost by parents and trusted, educated sources. I want to address what healthy sexual intimacy looks like in a marriage and how to prevent conflict, infidelity, unhappiness, and tension in this very sacred and important part of marriage. I hope you will treat it with as much respect and interest as I have. Let's get started!

Healthy intimacy starts with a healthy understanding of your individual and your partner's individual anatomy and preferences. Shame, anxiety, or repulsion is an enemy to connecting and growing closer. A lot of the times, some people need emotional connection before they feel comfortable and safe enough to have sex. Other times, individuals need sex in order to feel safe, warm, and close. These differences creates opportunities for spouses. Communication and discussion is vital for healthy sex. Your spouse isn't a machine that you can satisfy and turn on in an instant. Instead, they are a unique, versatile and complex human being worthy of satisfaction, love, and gentleness. Discuss with your spouse what each other needs, and learn together through your sexual experiences. There is a very great analogy that demonstrates this concept- You and your spouse receive a gift from your aunt on your wedding day. It is a fairly large gift that looks intriguing and exciting. How/when/where would you open this gift? Ideally and hopefully, you would wait for all the guests to leave before you open to gift alone together. You would feel anxious but excited to see what's inside. You would both unwrap it slowly and carefully, because it's not a race. Setting realistic expectations and sharing this experience together is also good guidelines to have in place. This is much like your sexual experiences, especially at the beginning of your marriage. And let me remind you that sex is much more than intercourse, although that is part of it. It is a way for husband and wife to demonstrate their love, trust, and whole selves with one another. It is not something to be taken lightly or abuse. Always be patient and loving. 

Setting healthy, firm boundaries is another aspect of a strong marriage. Start even before you are married to put those in place. When you get married, it requires each spouse to draw strong boundaries with friends and families. Husbands and wives should be turning towards each other for all things such as loving, supporting, trusting, venting, relying upon, and committing. When these and other marital aspects start to drift and lean upon other friends and sources, that breaks a boundary in your marriage. That's why some friends will no longer be close friends because you aren't sharing as much with them anymore because you have your spouse. Your marriage should be your closest relationship, so keep your guard up against distractors. 

The last characteristic I want to touch on for today is the universal exposure our society has to pornography. Pornography, according to research, does more bad than good. It gives individuals false confidence in how to have sex, it typically promotes violence and force, it detaches emotions and human preferences from sex, and it is detrimental in relationships. Pornographic sex is not loving, generous, patient, or kind. May I be so bold to declare that if someone is struggling with pornography, than they are not ready for marriage. Research says if you go into marriage with a pornography addiction, it tends to get worse, not better after the wedding. Start now to learn how to think about bodies and sex in a correct, virtuous way. Use media in a safe way that prevents disconnection or objectification of your spouse. This will undoubtedly increase your marital endurance and happiness. 

I hope the information above has been insightful and encouraging for your journey, wherever you are in that. It is never too early to practice healthy sexuality and education surrounding it.