Vitality of Fatherhood: Research and Personal Experiences

I want to dive right into this week's topic by asking a question: What are your own personal beliefs and experiences with fatherhood? Before reading the rest of this post, I urge you to think about and even write down some of your personal beliefs about what fatherhood is and what it should look like, as well as your personal experiences with observing fatherhood in all facets of your life. My goal in writing this post is to provide 5 important points on fatherhood, as well as to reflect on my own experiences with my own father. These important points on fatherhood came mainly from an article I reviewed called How Involved is Involved Fathering? An Exploration of the Contemporary Culture of Fatherhood. I will leave a link at the end of this post to that article. 

Point #1: In child-rearing, people should address the "parents" rather than just "mother". This topic has been brought up time and time again in the class I am taking covering family relations and dynamics. Fathers and mothers both have a duty to care for their children, and they should work together in harmony and partnership to meet the needs of their family and children. Never allow either partner to do the vast majority of parenthood. That can be destructive and detrimental to relationships. 

Point #2: Choose to put your children ahead of your career. Too often, I have observed fathers getting caught up in the stress or success of their jobs that they (usually) unintentionally forget to spend valuable time with and give attention to their families. It is important for fathers to truly get to know their children, and to be involved in their external and internal worlds. Children need actively present fathers in their life in order to learn the importance of manhood and fatherhood. 

Point #3: Place more value on the role of fatherhood. Think about how fathers are represented in the media. We had a discussion on this very topic in my class, and this is what we mentioned: fathers often are portrayed as clueless, domineering, disciplinary, and emotionless/disconnected. How do these portrayals affect our attitude toward fatherhood? And more importantly, how do these behaviors affect fatherhood behaviors? In the article I read, it clearly outlines that these attitudes create a culture of uninvolved and underappreciated views on and actions taken in fatherhood. The mother takes on lots of the stress and anxieties of the family and it predominantly becomes her home. Mothers often tend to the emotional needs of their children more often than fathers, and mothers often organize father-child play. In theory, this seems like a passive, almost miserable way to live, don't you think? It's time to change the way we talk about fathers, and create a culture of acceptance, commitment, involvement, and love towards men and fathers. 

Point #4: Men can be both traditionally masculine and involved fathers. The world's view has consistently separated these two characteristics, saying masculinity "disappears" in fatherhood. This is false. It is ok to possess traditional masculine qualities, while simultaneously being a tender-hearted, sensitive father to your children. It isn't a black and white concept: androgynous individuals and characteristics should be appreciated, especially in parenthood. 

Point #5: Commit to being a loving, involved presence in your children’s lives. Plan, prepare, and create the culture you want in your family NOW. Be intentional, thoughtful, and deliberate in how you want to raise your family, and how you want to raise your family. Although I am focusing on fatherhood, this advice goes to both the husband and the wife.

Reading through this article helped me realize a few things I value in my own father. Firstly, he has worked so hard to provide for my family. I have come to understand that fathers tend to find fulfillment and value in supporting their families through income. I appreciate my dad's selfless sacrifices and years of service to do just that. I have also noticed that his job consistently took him away from his family, and he wasn't always home spending time with us. I want to clarify right now that I don't hold resentment towards him for not always being physically and emotionally available. These are simply observations of my personal experiences.

One more aspect of my father I would like to mention is the sensitivity he has developed as a father and husband. I can tell that he has cultivated skills such as patience, long-suffering, tender-heartedness, and nurturance qualities that I presume he did not develop before becoming a husband and father. These are qualities that I am both looking for in a husband and striving to develop.

I am truly grateful for fathers. To all the fathers and future fathers out there, I commend you. You are needed and valued. Never rob yourself of the experiences and tender moments you will have as you strive to become an active part of your family's lives.

Sources:

• https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/0891243207304973?casa_token=LQAC5VY-y08AAAAA:Np9W3Cuqc-zdQXR07qhg-GE2bWIVARhX3Fu2kGY1g0WMBu9wIw6VlizyWogHDauMtf07SS9KwpgmRA