Parenting: Developing the Confidence & Skills Necessary to Succeed

 Welcome back to my LAST official post for this semester. It sure is bittersweet. I feel privileged and happy that I've had this opportunity to create this blog, as messy and imperfect as it is. And a BIG shoutout to all the middle children out there. Hang in there guys, we have so much to offer this world!!

Now to the main topic I will be discussing today: parenting. I, for one, have yet to experience the journey, pain, joy, heartache, and adventure that follows becoming a caregiver. In an article I studied this week in search of research and insights on parenthood, I read one titled "The Collapse of Parenting". It discussed the things parents can do to get back into the driver's seat. Here are a few important insights I thought were of value. First, that parents should instruct their children and impose consequences for bad behavior. The author of this article noted that parents in more recent years have been too lax in and ignorant of addressing and handling misbehavior. One way to practice this, even when your child isn't necessarily behaving, is to respect your child while also being the decider. And remember, you will make mistakes as parents. Every parent learns by trial and error, so don't be too hard on yourself. Keep trying and doing the best you know how. Model humility and conscientiousness for them, as well as other qualities that help them become kind, compassionate, assertive, and respectful individuals. 

I would like to move on to another incredible model and system to teach parenting, specifically Active Parenting. This system was developed by Michael Popkins, and he suggested 5 needs that children need from their parents.

#1: Contact and Belonging- Contact is defined as physical and emotional contact like hugs, pats, kisses, eye contact, saying hi, deep talks and caring. Belonging is the sense that you are part of a team, and that you can unify as a family and community to contribute. Popkins layed out two forms of how to display this need: the mistaken approach and the parental approach. The mistaken approach to the need for contact and belonging is when children begin to display undue attention seeking. The parental approach, which is the suggested healthy way is to offer contact freely. The contact as the children grow older is just as great. If contact isn't given, children will seek for it somewhere else and often they will get into trouble. For the need for belonging to get met, parents should teach children to contribute. 

#2: Power- It is defined as the ability to influence your own environment. The mistaken approach is when kids start to rebel and control others. These approaches are never enough and never satisfactory because you can never get enough of what you don't need. The parental approach is teaching children to be responsible. The sum for responsibility is allowing choices+consequences in the kid's lives. Make sure the choices are age appropriate and situational appropriate. 

#3: Protection- Protect your children from emotional, physical, and social harm when appropriate. The mistaken approach is the revenge cycle children and even parents get into with their children, where they always have to get "even". The parental approach is to teach assertiveness, which entails not allowing others to step on your toes, and to stand up for yourself. Teach them to forgive, and most importantly model this in your home. That is such a vital tool to teach.

#4: Take Breaks- The mistaken approach is undue avoidance. Parental approach is to take breaks then to get back at projects. Teach and encorporate breaks consistently because we as humans need time to recharge. 

#5: Challenges- The mistaken approach is undue risk-taking when children aren't given challenges in healthy ways. The parental approach is to help build your children's skills, and to let them accomplish hard things on their own. Give them opportunities to work beside you. 

Implementing these in your parenting is proven through research and study to raise healthy and strong individuals. Thank you for tagging along with me on this journey, and Merry Christmas!